yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
did you just send me my own nude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
