Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
