Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
