I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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