you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
