You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
