I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
