my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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