one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
