Don't make out with my wife yet
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
