just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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