A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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