Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
