apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
