We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
