this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
