Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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