My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
