I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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