Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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