I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
