I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
