We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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