he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
