I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
