after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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