I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
