Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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