oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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