I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
