Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
