dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
