I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
