your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
