So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
