What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My dick has a subreddit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
