Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
