I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
