So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
