I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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