Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
