can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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