and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
