hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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