i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
