He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
