Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
