My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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