I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
