Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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