Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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