I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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