NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
