Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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