her vagine was all disorganized.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
