He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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