Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
