But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
