i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
