Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
