I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
