I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
