His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
