Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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