i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
