OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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