Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
