if i can run in heels then i can drive
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
