All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
