so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
