She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize