I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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